french girls drink wine naked in the bath and it’s hot, but i drink a case of 4 loko naked in the starfish touch tank at sea world and it’s “probably like 50 felonies, you monster.” whatever, OFFICER
- me: did it hurt?
- you: what
- me: when you got examined at the hospital yesterday after JV cheer tryouts because the cheer captain sent you home early when she correctly predicted that you have scoliosis?
A Springtime Scene
It is a beautiful spring evening. Slightly more than sixty degrees, the sun is setting, the air is cool. You are walking around in baggy cargo shorts, soaking in the scores of people throwing frisbees on and lounging in the grass. I emerge from the bush, pull your shorts down around your ankles, and push you down. “IT IS NEVER OKAY TO WEAR CARGO SHORTS,” I jab a finger in your face before fleeing into the orange setting sun.